Baby time!

Well tomorrow is it for me at work before baby. I'm 39 weeks 3 days and I'm on the list to get checked in tomorrow night for induction (pending I don't get bumped due to lack of beds). We had an ultrasound yesterday to check baby's size and fluid levels. She's looking good and the calculations showed she's around 8lbs 6oz. The reasoning behind induction at 39 weeks is because Emma was a big baby on her due date and so I'd rather not go longer than my due date. My doctor isn't worried about me being able to deliver a big baby again but it just gives both Tommy and myself some anxiety. We would prefer to not have to use the vacuum to get this little love out. Since all looked well and I'm progressing my doctor felt comfortable with inducing. 

If I work tomorrow I won't have to go back to work until after Christmas break in January. 60 days of work goes from Thursday til December 20th which is ideal. Also with a toddler it makes it less stressful being able to plan for her where she's going and when not in an emergency type of way. We will take her to my parents tomorrow afternoon/evening and get her settled before we head home waiting for the call to come in.

I am definitely feeling large (who doesn't at full term pregnant) but overall feeling pretty good. Definitely have my moments of discomfort but I'm able to get decent sleep most nights and am functioning fine at work. I am ready to meet this new baby! 

Bump pictures from today:

I'm excited to see Emma with her little sister. She is such a little momma with her babydolls and I think she is going to love being my little helper (but definitely going to have to keep a VERY close eye on her. She's going to think she can pick her sister up like she can her dolls). It's definitely a weird mix of emotions around wondering how to love another child as much as you love your first. I can't wait to see their bond and watch their relationship grow. My siblings are the biggest blessings in my life and I'm so grateful I get to provide that for my children. As my doctor told me "giving your child a sibling is the biggest gift you can offer them" so I'm holding on to that tight as my alone time with Emma comes to a screeching halt tomorrow. 

I'll be back with a birth update once little sister is here and we are home. Prayers for a smooth delivery! 

Pregnancy Update

I haven't blogged in awhile and we are just in the waiting stage right now for Emma's arrival. To say we're ready would be understatement. I am still working and will work until this Friday the 6th. I was 39 weeks yesterday. We are praying she comes on her own some time before next Tuesday for many reasons. 

1) I would prefer to not be induced

2) my brother and sister leave for their study abroads for the Summer (James to Australia and Claire to South Africa) on Tuesday and Wednesday next week. I would be so sad if they didn't get to meet her in person until she was almost two months old. I know they would be good sports about it but I know they are dying to meet her as well. #comeonemma

I am not one who loves pictures of myself but I figured I should probably document the end of my pregnancy with some bump pictures (I apologize for the work bathroom pics). 

I am a planner so this stage of pregnancy is one of testing my patience. I've never been so out of control in my life. It sure does make you rely on your faith that everything will happen in the timing it's supposed to. I just pray she is healthy and that we have a smooth delivery to meet her. Her daddy and mommy sure are anxious to meet her!!! 

Stay tuned. I will probably not blog until she has made her arrival. I go back to the doctor on Monday if she still isn't here and from there we would then schedule an induction. Prayers that she comes on her own in the next 6 days! 

Baby Shower #2

This past weekend I had my second/last baby shower. It was great!!! It was a coffee, cravings and creativity shower. My friend Lindsey (read her blog here), my sister Bonnie, and my college friends Colleen, Carly, Elizabeth and Alex (she wasn't actually at the shower) hosted. Lindsey hosted at her house and it was all decorated perfectly. I felt very special and spoiled by all who came. The food was so cute and creative along with the bib making station. There are some funny bibs my friends made to give me a good laugh. Emma is set up for success and we are coming along with getting everything settled at home for her to make her arrival. I am 33 weeks today. I can't believe how close May is really coming. We finished our child birth classes on Sunday, met with the pediatrician tonight we are going to go with and have a hospital tour on Thursday night. It's really becoming super real. I feel HUGE and hate how swollen I look and feel right now but I know it'll be worth it when I get to hold her in my arms. 

Here are some pictures from the shower. Thanks to the hostesses! It was a great day! 

Allergies while pregnant #misery

So this week I've been pinned up with the worst allergies I think I've ever had. I always suffer from allergies but dang when you're pregnant it's no joke. I've been congested for months now but since last Thirsfay it's been BAD! I was sent home from work Monday and then took today off too. I think it's turned into a sinus infection but no one wants to give me medicine so I'm having to suck it up. 

This is how I feel right now 

This buzzfeed hits the nail on the head too http://www.buzzfeed.com/caseygueren/pollen-has-no-chill?sub=3772096_5669955#5669955

Now off to treat myself to a mani/pedi because I'm feeling sorry for myself. 

Great Facebook Post

My sister shared this with me and I wanted to be sure I saved it somewhere and shared with you. Over the past 5 years since graduating from college I have had so many friends and acquaintances in my life that have struggled with fertility. We have had our issues ourselves too with having a miscarriage last summer. You never know what one's story is and how someone is dealing with their circumstances. 

Here is the main page but HERE is the exact post that really hit home for me. 

To all the mommas out there with babies, expecting babies, and trying for babies keep on going! I pray for those in my life that are struggling often and I pray that for those who are in the waiting game that it happens for you soon.

And it's February

On this first day of February I've been doing a lot of thinking. I wasn't expecting seeing the date be February to hit me so hard. When I see on my pregnancy app how many weeks I am and how many are left, I can't help but think "I would be so much closer to baby right now." 

Our Angel baby would be due in 3 weeks from tomorrow. I would be hitting full-term tomorrow. That hurts. I don't want to dwell and wallow but I also don't want to forget. It's a weird feeling having been through a miscarriage. You long for something you never knew. It's hard to describe. 

I am so blessed to be carrying a healthy baby right now but it still stings. God had a bigger plan than me and his plans were more perfect for us anyway. With how stressful work is right now and how hectic our lives are February wasn't the right timing. I am so happy and am not one to dwell on the past but today just kind of was a reminder that we have been through something and it's alright to be upset when you need to be upset. Life throws your curve balls because it helps you grow in your faith. Tommy and I have learned so much over the past 10 months about ourselves and our relationship. We are so excited to meet Emma in three short months. Tommy was finally able to catch her kicking last night. Every time before I tried to get him to feel her she would just stop. I could tell by the look on his face that he was so excited. I feel her all day long so I get that reassurance that things are fine but the daddy doesn't get the same luxury. It's hard to believe that I am 26 weeks tomorrow. With how fast the past month went by I can imagine February, March, and April will zoom by. We can't wait to meet our little girl! God had a plan and I know it was the right plan for us. 

Our Story

So you know when you haven't been blogging for awhile there is always a reason. Sometimes it's just hard to know what to say when what you really want to talk about isn't all that easy. Over the past 5 months myself and Tommy have been on a roller-coaster ride of emotions. As I wrote about yesterday we are so excited to be welcoming a little girl in May. We knew when we got married that having a family was something very important to both of us. We decided that this summer was the right timing for us. We celebrated our first anniversary on May 31st and we managed to get pregnant on month one of trying. I didn't know I was pregnant until the week before I was leaving on a bachelorette party for a friend followed by a week vacation to the beach with my family. I felt off but the week before the test was negative but I decided "you know what I should just check again before I'm away for ten days on vacation." Well on that night the test came back positive to my disbelief. I had what I thought was my period the week before. 

I called my doctor before leaving town to tell her about my positive test and the bleeding situation and she said it could have been what they call implantation bleeding. I thought to myself if that's what it was I need to be super careful. I went on the bachelorette party to Charleston and pretended to be drinking the whole weekend (not so easy to do). I then left for the beach with my family. I was antsy for Tommy to get there because I knew my family would catch on to me not wanting a glass of wine with dinner or a beer on the beach. He managed to get there just in time before my Nana's birthday dinner on the Tuesday and we announced we were pregnant. I was hesitant in doing this because my gut was still telling me that something was wrong but then again it's my family and either way I needed them to know. I went the whole week anxious to get back to town.

I wasn't scheduled to go into the doctor for another week after getting home but as I was praying about it I was lead to change that appointment. On that Tuesday after we arrived home, I went in for an ultrasound and confirmation of pregnancy. I will never forget the first sentence that came out of the ultrasound tech's mouth which was "I don't see anything. Are you sure you are pregnant?" I was in complete shock and thankfully Tommy was with me. We then had to wait for what felt like an eternity in the waiting room before getting our own room to speak to the doctor. The instant we got into our own room I burst into tears. The doctor came in and instantly said "don't jump to any conclusions just yet. We might just be too early to detect anything on an ultrasound." She tried to make me feel at ease but down in my heart I knew what had happened. I got a significant amount of blood drawn that day and then I returned two days later to see how my HCG levels were. I got the call when I was at the pool with my friends that indeed I had had a spontaneous miscarriage because my levels were dropping. I had to go again to make sure they went back down to zero. It's hard to explain your immense sense of loss and grief for someone you never got to meet or hear was alive. This child of mine will never be forgotten but I also am not one who can dwell on the loss. I needed to move forward and know that there was a reason this baby did not survive. 

This was such a low point for me and Tommy. We had only told our families but since I was at the pool with two friends I had to tell them what was wrong and that I had been pregnant and miscarried all in the same sentence. I have never felt the way I did that week. I've never seen my husband so torn up before either. This is something you don't prepare for and you wonder what you could have done differently. The only thing you can do during this time is pray and that I did. 

Tommy and I were going on vacation the following week and it couldn't have come at a better time. We both needed to get away and escape reality for a bit. I needed time to digest, recover, and rejuvenate. We were told we needed to wait one cycle before trying again so we followed doctors orders. 

We found out we were pregnant again on August 29th. I have never been so excited and scared all at the same time except in my heart I knew this was different. I was so at ease this time around. My doctor had told me that when I got another positive test that I should come in that week and they would monitor my HCG levels. When she called with my first results and the numbers were higher than they were at 6 weeks before I felt this weight lifted. Two days later she called with the second results and said I didn't need to come back again and I could go ahead and schedule my 8 week appointment. I had prayed every morning and every night since this summer for a healthy baby and god had answered my prayer. I knew he was the one making me feel so at ease. It was so hard to explain that ease to Tommy (who was worried until 12 weeks) but I just knew this time it was different. 

I have learned a lot about myself, my relationship with my husband and my relationship with the lord over the past 5 months. You think you can plan all you want but God has a bigger plan for you and you have to have faith in that. Every doctors appointment I find myself getting anxious before but I am so relieved after. I am so excited to embark on this journey to motherhood and I can't wait to share every step of this journey with Tommy. He is going to be such a good girls dad (he just doesn't know it yet).

I debated whether or not to write about this but for me I wanted to have my story written. I've read so many blogs lately about miscarriage and how women are afraid to talk about it. I think it's important to know that it does happen and it's OK to talk about it. Just this morning A Cup of Jo had a post written from three of her friends perspectives. Just last week my sister sent me a story from someone who had a story very similar to mine. This is a part of my journey to motherhood and is a part of our story. We are so fortunate to be in the midst of a healthy pregnancy right now but that won't stop me from praying day in and day out for a healthy baby girl in six months. Thank you for taking the time to read and I hope that this brings comfort to someone who has just had a miscarriage that there is hope out there and that it can be something that is just a part of your story but isn't your whole story.

Our Big Secret

Well I've been slower on the blogging lately because what I really wanted to talk about I couldn't just yet! We are so excited to announce that we are expecting a baby girl to our family next May. Tommy and I have been married almost a year and a half and we knew when we got married that kids were something very important to us. We are so excited/nervous/anxious/blessed to be embarking on this journey to parenthood. We waited to announce til we were able to tell the gender. We did the genetic testing at 11 weeks but weren't able to share the news with our families until this past Friday night. We hosted a gender reveal party for our families and a few of our closet couple friends at our house Friday. We made chicken chili and regular chili with a variety of blue/pink desserts. Friends and my mom brought the appetizers and tommy a mom made the cornbread. We had 22 over for the fun! It was a wonderful night getting to finally share that we were having a GIRL! I ordered these adorable scratch off cards from etsy for the reveal. Once everyone was there we announced as to not delay the inevitable. The rest of the night we just enjoyed each other's company. We are so fortunate to be surrounded by so many loved ones. Here are some pictures of the decorations from the night. 

Saturday for lunch I met my college girlfriends to do the same gender reveal with them. We met for lunch at kaleidoscope. They were so excited and most of them were wrong. Everyone but Carly thought it was a boy. We had a nice time catching up! Kier drove in from Columbia to join which was awesome! I mailed the cards to Audrey in KC, Gorman in NYC, and Samantha in Orlando so they could be part of the fun even though they couldn't be at lunch. I am so lucky to have such great friends! 

Then lastly was our official announcement on social media. I ordered the sign from Etsy and then couldn't resist buying the sparkly shoes from Carters. Baby girl already has such a cute mini wardrobe. Girl clothes are so precious. We have so much to look forward to. We are so grateful for the prayers over the past few months for our growing girl and we pray that she continues growing strong and happy until we get to meet her smiling face in May. 

For this child, I have prayed and the lord answered my prayer. 

1 Samuel 1:27